Loneliness

Loneliness can make you do strange things. I lose my ability to think clearly when loneliness creeps in too far. I pray for strength but deep down I don't really want it.

I want to feel Joe's arms wrapped around me.

I want Joe to ask about my day. And care about my answer.

I want Joe laying in OUR bed. Next to ME. Where HE belongs.

I want Joe to help me with the kids homework... baths... discipline...

But this isn't about what I want. This is about what God wants. I know He is trying to teach me through this separation. So even though I want to feel Joe's arms around me telling me it will be ok, and there are some days when I think, "His arms will work... Or his will do... Or heck, even his arms will work..."  I know only God's arms will do.

How shameful! I don't really want another man's arms around me. But the devil tries to tell me it would make me feel better. But, I know it wouldn't.

So I go to God.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matt. 11:28-30 NLT 

Who else knows every one of my weaknesses and still loves me? Who else knows every one of my deepest, darkest secrets and still wants to be near me? Who else knows every one of my failures and still helps me get back up on my feet again?

I just keep telling myself, I serve an amazing God who works miracles in His way, and in His timing!

I don't need Joe's arms around me when I feel lonely! I need to go to God and ask Him to be my security and my safety while Joe is in Satan's grasp.

I ask God for a picture of what He intends Joe to be. I ask for God to give Joe a passion like David; wisdom like Solomon; obedience like Peter; and boldness like Paul. When I pray for Joe, I begin feeling so much better about our situation. I begin seeing Joe through God's eyes.

Lord God, I pray You would increase my hope for mine and Joe's marriage. I pray also that Joe would have a hunger and thirst for You, God. Lord, give me strength and grace to wait patiently for the Spirit to complete His work in Joe. I pray Your voice would penetrate Joe's soul. I know Lord, You are able to do more than I can ever imagine. In Jesus' name, Amen.