I Surrender All

Here I am.

Alone in the woods.

With God.

Beautiful snow falling all around. Heavy snow. I imagine it as God's love pouring down on me. I can hear the snow hitting the trees. The birds chirping all around.

So peaceful.

Empty me, God, of my selfishness, my bitterness, my unhappiness, my hurts, my sorrows.

Don't act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Galatians 5:26

Fill me with Your love, Your kindness, Your humility, Your grace, Your mercy, and Your Spirit, Lord.

Show me how to love others as Jesus does.

Place Your hand tightly over my mouth when I start to speak before listening to Your voice.

Do everything without complaining or arguing. Philippians 2:14

Mold me and make me into the wife, mother, sister and friend You want me to be.

Change me into the woman You know I can be.

Help me to see that when I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, it is there You are trying to teach me something important. I need to be patient and wait for You.

Sitting on the quiet porch swing, smelling the wood in the fireplace burning my pain and my fears away... Swinging ever so slowly, as if God were rocking me gently, telling me everything will be okay... Snow lightly falling on me as if each flake were a kiss from my Father saying I Love You Cyndi, faults and all...

I will never understand or know the depth of Your love for a sinner, broken and torn, like me. Thank you for Your love, grace and forgiveness.

Hurting

I was really hurt today by some people that are very near and dear to my heart. While I am very excited about their daughter, I feel my daughter was purposefully held back.

I just want to make a new start. In a new city, a new church, a new house, a new job... In essence, I want to run away...

I have been hurt so much by people I love... will it ever end?

I am to the point I don't know how to trust people anymore. Is everyone out for their own these days? I just don't understand.