Stained-Glass Masquerade

I want to be honest here. I want to tell you exactly what kind of person I am. I want to get all the dark and dirty secrets out there for the world to see.

To see that I am far from a good girl.

Far from the mask I put on before work everyday, and before church on Sundays.

I want to tear down the walls I put up to hide my pain and my fears. My sins.

I want to be real with you.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. James 5:16a 

But I am scared. 

Scared you won't like me anymore. 

Scared you will think I am a horribly awful sinner. 

Isn't this where grace comes in? Isn't that what Jesus is all about?

Grace. 

When I stumble, He is there to pick me up, dust me off, and get me back on the right path.
 
So why am I so scared to let you know that I have stumbled?  

"If they really knew me, they wouldn't love me."
"I am the only one who is struggling at this level."
"I am not so sure this group is safe for me to share my particular sins."

I am scared I won't be offered grace.

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:10

It is so much easier to shame someone when they have fallen, rather than help them get back up.  

But why is that? 

So we can look like a better person because we haven't stumbled? 

Right? 

Everyone stumbles. We need to be more forgiving and offer more grace. Maybe then we would have more people coming to us, asking us where to find freedom from their sins. People want the freedom we have, but we aren't always so willing to give it away. 

We need to give it away more freely.  

Besides, that is what Jesus would do.

Right?

And the truth shall set you free...

So, I told Joe everything.

And I mean... Every. Thing.

He asked. I answered. Honestly.

All the deep, dark secrets I didn't want anyone to know.

He shared his secrets too.

Where we went wrong. Where we went right. Where we just weren't sure which way we went.

Such a burden lifted. It felt like chains came off. Walls came down.

So why are we now back at this point of no communication...

He is still with her...

I am still alone...

Lord, I am praying for Joe to be home by Christmas. My BIG, HAIRY, AUDACIOUS prayer! Lord, I know NOTHING is impossible with You but that ALL things are possible when I believe. Lord, change my heart and will and align it with Your will for my life. Grow me into the Proverbs 31 woman. Take away my doubt and replace it with HOPE for a new life with Joe. I have FAITH You are working in Joe's life.  Turn my eyes from my circumstances to You. In Jesus precious and Holy name, Amen. 

A blessing on the man who puts his trust in the LORD, with the LORD for his hope. He is like a tree by the waterside that thrusts its roots to the stream; when the heat comes it feels no alarm, its foliage stays green; it has no worries in a year of drought, and never ceases to bear fruit... Hope of Israel, LORD! (Jeremiah 17:7-8, 13)

One year...

Yesterday was one year since Joe moved out.

Raeli seems to remember it as much as I do.

Please pray for Raeli and Ryan.

Pray they are protected by Jesus during this time of separation.

Pray their eyes and ears are protected.

Pray their hearts are protected.

Sometimes God’s plan is different from ours. Trust that His timing is best, even if you have to wait. Romans 8:25